Sit down, make yourself comfortable and let’s have a little history lesson. It’s 1857 and while most people were posing an hour for a photograph, using kerosene to eliminate head lice and pulling their own rotting teeth, a dude named Joseph Gayetty invented toilet paper.

Throughout our fascinating history, humans have always gone to the bathroom, even when this meant squatting behind a tree or big rock. While our elimination process has remained relatively consistent over the years, the way in which we clean up afterward has changed drastically.

At the dawn of man, people used whatever was close by, whether that would be a rock, wood shavings, a stick or a corn cob. That went on for a very long time. Then in the 6th century, the Chinese invented the first form of toilet paper. However, it would take another 1,300 years before the rest of the world would catch on.

For a long time, Americans used items like the readily available pages of the Sears catalog. After all, it was free and delivered by mail right to your front door. In addition, it was a lot more efficient than a stick or a rock. It was far more comfortable as well.

Toilet paper has evolved, but there are a lot of people who think it should disappear forever. They think that as a nation, we should stand against toilet paper. And they have some very good reasons for this.

Since the store where you shop is probably out of toilet paper or you might be running low and suffering a bit of TP anxiety, perhaps you should hear the arguments for eliminating toilet paper. Earthwise Pest Management, your home pest control in Sacramento, offers reasons why toilet paper is pure evil.

It’s Expensive

Over the course of your life, you can expect to spend over $8,000 on toilet paper. That is a lot of money to sink into something you literally flush down the toilet.

It Clogs Your Toilet

There are very few situations that cause as much panic than flushing your toilet and watching as the water rises, and rises, and rises. This is especially painful if you are at a party or a friend’s house. You can only hope that there is a plunger nearby.

Even though toilets and sewers are built to handle toilet paper, they simply cannot handle a half a roll of TP.

It Aggravates Certain Medical Conditions

If you are suffering a hemorrhoid or other painful condition in the nether region, using toilet paper will only make matters worse. Too much friction.

It Causes Injury

Some people don’t know their own strength. If you are an aggressive wiper, you can cause your body some damage. Studies show that 5% of the population, men mostly, suffer injuries while using toilet paper. And when this does happen, you can expect about 12 weeks for the fissure to heal.

An Embarrassing Purchase

It is impossible to quietly and subtly buy toilet paper. The majority of toilet paper at the store is sold in colossal rolls that won’t fit into the shopping cart. You are instead left to lug the massive package atop your shoulders. At this point, you are basically letting all of the other shoppers know just what you are planning on doing when you get home.

It Is the Cause of Much Debate

For generations, toilet paper has been the center of heated debate. It has divided families, friends and coworkers. There are even research papers on the matter. Over or under: Which is the right way?

It Does a Really Bad Job

Wiping with toilet paper does not actually clean you up. As a matter of fact, it pretty much just smears things around. You wouldn’t clean the rest of your body by rubbing yourself off with a dry towel.

If you have doubts, rub a chocolate bar on the hardwood floor and try to clean it up with TP.

Full of Bacteria

Studies have discovered that toilet paper is one of the main culprits for spreading bacteria and germs in public restrooms. Toilet paper dispensers are always hung near the toilet and up against the wall or a divider. The TP is then violently unrolled and it gets rubbed up against the wall or stall, which just happens to be infested with germs. These germs and other nasty particles cling to the toilet paper and then get spread everywhere.

When people finish their business in the public restroom, they touch the toilet paper with their dirty fingers. So when you use a public restroom and use the toilet paper, you are effectively just swapping out germs.

Alternatives

If you are looking for an alternative, bidets actually clean, they are environmentally friendly and they reduce the risk of injury. So maybe instead of standing in line at the store waiting for employees to restock the TP, hop on Amazon and order a bidet.

A bidet is like a shower for your private region. You will feel cleaner and refreshed after using the bathroom. Not only that, but your friends will also be super jealous when you show them your new bidet. But best of all, a shortage of toilet paper will no longer be a concern.

Having unwanted guests in your home is never ideal. We aren’t talking about your mother-in-law, we are talking about furry pests. If you are suffering infestation, give Earthwise Pest Management a call.